black and white memories.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Had been reading through the book that wb read not long ago. A lot of things that it mentions, things about approval-seeking behaviours, Guilt, Worry etc etc.... All these sounds quite reasonable... And the book also provide tips on how to change these bad habit so that one can lead a happier life...
As i continue to read the book, can't help but wonder what izzit really like if one can really follow thru wat the book teaches. Approval seeking behaviour... indeed it will be nice if I can juz lead my own life without ever having to worry about wat others might think when i do certain things.... dun have to care about their opinion of myself... juz wo3 xing2 wo3 su4... even better, if I can juz do away with the feeling of Guilt and Worry, wat a carefree life that would be.
As the book said, Guilt and Worry are two useless emotions and they exist because they show that u care about certain things, and they do nothing to help the situation except to immobilise u.
But a human without the feeling of Guilt and Worry? Sounds too cold-blooded to me. Perhaps I have been too intoxicated by the society's values and perception that I can't really think out of the box. Even if u are able to find a way out of a situation that u messed up badly because u had not been immobilise by guilt, wat will be the other's opinion of u? "
he's not ashamed of wat he has done....." ... or
" he's not even repenting...".... Won't this make a bad impression out of u?
hmm... -_-...Reading the above paragraph I wrote myself makes me realise that it's a typical example of approval-seeking behaviour. The worry that not feeling guilty will not win the approval of others. The fear of being viewed as cold-hearted or shameless. Guess it's hard to change how one thinks after being "poisoned" with such view for 19 yrs.
As for the part about worrying... seriously, I dunnoe how to show my concern for something or someone other than worrying abt them first. Or rather, there's nthing I can do to help other than showing my concern other than by worrying.... always find myself useless when the time comes when I wants to help. Feels so helpless becos I can't help.
As for approval-seeking behaviour.... tried to do the things that I felt like doing. But guess i didn't handle the situation every well.... cos resulted in having a quarrel with one of my best friends on new yr's eve. It's not his fault, but I dun think I'm in the wrong either. It's a case whereby the view of two person simply dun meet. But it makes me feels bad. And this makes me wonder: Is the Happiness of oneself more important than the happiness of others? If I'm happy with the decision that I made, but it results in the unhappiness of others, most likely I won't feel happy abt it too... But if I forgo my own happiness to please others, I won't like it too...
So shd I build my happiness upon other's? or shd I juz be more self-centered?
Haha. Either way I won't be happy. Cos it seems that one side is bound to get hurt.
I have no conclusion to it... and dunnoe which stand I shd take or who I want to be. Keep fluctuating between the thought of doing things my own way, and seeking the approval of others. Even the principles that I thought I shd adhere to is no longer clear.
hai~
