black and white memories.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
hmmm.... tues or sat? steamboat, lao1 yu2 shen1 or k-ge? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
>.<....
nvm....
so hu's gg for the class gathering???
Thursday, January 19, 2006
hai~... need to redo some of the paper work cos it's juz too messy liao... spent the whole afternoon trying to sort out the mess... then found out that some things we did was qt redundant... more paperwork to sort out tml morning when i go to camp... >.<... sian..
Anyway, yesterday was my off day. Spent it following her around on her temp job since she didn't had sch on wed too. Meet her at je in the afternoon b4 making our way down to the firm where her sis is working. Qt suprised to find Chinatown so crowded even on a weekday. But it started to rain heavily when we got there, and since it was still early, we had some coffe at this small cafe. The cafe looks nice, but the coffee taste qt bad... esp since they use soya milk instead of condensed milk for the coffee >.<... taste weird... haha, anyway, waited for the rain to stop b4 collecting the material from her sis's firm, and finally the work started.
First stop was at United Sq, then followed by Novena square b4 making our way down to Toa payoh. But had a minor detour back to Novena cos she forgot to do something... Then we went back to toa payoh central and the HDB Hub, and it was already 7 plus =S then continue our journey to Ang mo kio where we hollanded a few times trying to find the shops and so by the time we found the last shop there it was already 9 '''^_^. Make it juz in time b4 the shop closes.
And so she worked from 4 plus all the way to nine plus without taking any break or dinner... hai~... workaholic... But was qt fun tagging along with her since i got to visit so many shopping mall and night market in a single day =) By the time I reached hm after sending her back it was already 11+pm... missed my first ep of samurai 7 on central :( ... haha...
^_^
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Had been reading through the book that wb read not long ago. A lot of things that it mentions, things about approval-seeking behaviours, Guilt, Worry etc etc.... All these sounds quite reasonable... And the book also provide tips on how to change these bad habit so that one can lead a happier life...
As i continue to read the book, can't help but wonder what izzit really like if one can really follow thru wat the book teaches. Approval seeking behaviour... indeed it will be nice if I can juz lead my own life without ever having to worry about wat others might think when i do certain things.... dun have to care about their opinion of myself... juz wo3 xing2 wo3 su4... even better, if I can juz do away with the feeling of Guilt and Worry, wat a carefree life that would be.
As the book said, Guilt and Worry are two useless emotions and they exist because they show that u care about certain things, and they do nothing to help the situation except to immobilise u.
But a human without the feeling of Guilt and Worry? Sounds too cold-blooded to me. Perhaps I have been too intoxicated by the society's values and perception that I can't really think out of the box. Even if u are able to find a way out of a situation that u messed up badly because u had not been immobilise by guilt, wat will be the other's opinion of u? "
he's not ashamed of wat he has done....." ... or
" he's not even repenting...".... Won't this make a bad impression out of u?
hmm... -_-...Reading the above paragraph I wrote myself makes me realise that it's a typical example of approval-seeking behaviour. The worry that not feeling guilty will not win the approval of others. The fear of being viewed as cold-hearted or shameless. Guess it's hard to change how one thinks after being "poisoned" with such view for 19 yrs.
As for the part about worrying... seriously, I dunnoe how to show my concern for something or someone other than worrying abt them first. Or rather, there's nthing I can do to help other than showing my concern other than by worrying.... always find myself useless when the time comes when I wants to help. Feels so helpless becos I can't help.
As for approval-seeking behaviour.... tried to do the things that I felt like doing. But guess i didn't handle the situation every well.... cos resulted in having a quarrel with one of my best friends on new yr's eve. It's not his fault, but I dun think I'm in the wrong either. It's a case whereby the view of two person simply dun meet. But it makes me feels bad. And this makes me wonder: Is the Happiness of oneself more important than the happiness of others? If I'm happy with the decision that I made, but it results in the unhappiness of others, most likely I won't feel happy abt it too... But if I forgo my own happiness to please others, I won't like it too...
So shd I build my happiness upon other's? or shd I juz be more self-centered?
Haha. Either way I won't be happy. Cos it seems that one side is bound to get hurt.
I have no conclusion to it... and dunnoe which stand I shd take or who I want to be. Keep fluctuating between the thought of doing things my own way, and seeking the approval of others. Even the principles that I thought I shd adhere to is no longer clear.
hai~
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
HAi~...
had to bear with the itch and the pain that the wound on the shin causes every now and then...
juz hope it's not infected >.< anyway, went westmall to meet wb for lunch, then spent the time at the arcade playing this old game while waiting for sk to arrive... got addicted to it liao cos juz can't seem to defeat the robot at stage 3. Keep getting hammered by it. THen after that went queensway shopping center to shop by CNY clothings.. but end up didn't buy anything at all cos didn't really know wat to buy. went back westmall again, and this time saw this two kid playing the same game at the arcade... and they were damn pro... but they didn't get pass satge 3 too.
Muz ask jh how he did it last time after he come back from cresando :)
Sunday, January 08, 2006
had a fall and got a patch of scratches on the shin... took qt some time before the bleeding stops, but now that it's starting to heal, it gets even more painful than when i had the fall... >.<.. think running would be a bit impossible for the next few days.... hai~...
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
hmmm...
Getting blur lately...
anyway, 2nd day of OT...
was gg to write something here... but forgot wat i was gg to write.
Then coundn't find my previous entry... and found it on the class blog instead.
-_-....
hmm....
guess some things really bother me....
not a very desirable end to 2005.
Not a very desirbale start to 2006 too.
Juz want to do wat I want, be who I am.